Save me from Suicide!! Yes I have PTSD, but Viet Nam was never like this!!

**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 08:03 AM

I've had a 2006 A4 basic for a couple of years. I've read the owners manual cover to cover many times but NG. This "memory" seat repositioning is the last straw. I like to tinker, latest being a new radio/GPS/Front and real recording Head unit. I've found if you open the door, ignition off, and move ONE cheek back goes the tilt, then when I sit properly it returns. Seems you can disable it temporarily, but it seems to reset quickly. I'm at a point where I'm oiling up my dykes and about to begin clipping. I'm the only person who drives it, and even at 70 I can and do have little problem entering and exiting the vehicle. Please, I know some guru knows the secret, please share!!!!

**AudiNFS** · 10-24-2016 09:07 AM

I'm full of secrets.

One of them is to never use a fucking title like this again.

**NickSchooler** · 10-24-2016 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by AudiNFS

I'm full of secrets.

One of them is to never use a fucking title like this again.

Couldn't have said it better

**miA4** · 10-24-2016 11:10 AM

I can't be the only one that didn't see the humor in this.. Am I?

**Low and Behold** · 10-24-2016 12:17 PM

Its like a title I saw in the B7 RS4 forum - "My baby passed away in her sleep"

WTF!?

**Deckster** · 10-24-2016 12:19 PM

I find this post hilarious, including the title. Nonetheless, he still needs help. I can't provide any insight because I was poor when I bought my Audi so it doesn't have memory seats.

Edit: I get both sides of the fence of not finding it funny vs finding it funny. Everyone has their opinion.

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**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 12:28 PM

Originally Posted by AudiNFS

I'm full of secrets.

One of them is to never use a fucking title like this again.

Well I'm sure you are, I'm sure you don't think your mother found your stash of Victoria Secrets catalogs and of course Mr. Frederick in Hollywood.

I remember a prof telling me "People who use vulgarity lack the knowledge and ability to frame a sentence properly." Exhibit one for the Professor.

**aluthman** · 10-24-2016 12:29 PM

I don't find it hilarious. I also don't have any advice regarding his problem.

**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by NickSchooler

Couldn't have said it better

Exhibit two...

**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by miA4

I can't be the only one that didn't see the humor in this.. Am I?

Mi, you need an IQ above 75 to appreciate the humor, children need not reply

**drmonkey** · 10-24-2016 12:42 PM

I think a lot of people didn't find it funny because it pokes fun at a more serious subject (kind of like making 9/11 jokes). That being said, reacting the way you are won't get you very far either. Most people on this forum are very willing to help until you push that wrong button.

**z_wrecker** · 10-24-2016 01:29 PM

Your car is possessed!!! I've seen this many times before. I can perform an exorcism through email. Paypal fee is $100 for the first one and $75 for any others after that

**Rulty** · 10-24-2016 01:49 PM

I find it funny but I have a twisted sense of humor as it is. Also read somewhere that using vulgarity is actually a sign of intelligence, along with sarcasm as well. Although I doubt its an every case scenario cause then we'd all be geniuses wouldn't we?

**aluthman** · 10-24-2016 02:18 PM

Trust me, as a submariner, I am one twisted son of a bitch when it comes to humor. But veteran suicide hits a little close to home.

**Rulty** · 10-24-2016 02:29 PM

In that light its not funny anymore :(

**FaisalJ** · 10-24-2016 02:47 PM

Do the memory seats not have a fuse you could pull, once you have them in the correct position? Since you're the only driver.

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**trj** · 10-24-2016 03:08 PM

I believe there is a reset procedure for memory seats. Something in the lines of full down, full up, full forward, full back. Cant recall the sequence properly.
Have you tried setting memory in other positions?

If it doesnt help, then just disable the memory seats via vagcom.
I mean, make it so that car doesnt think it has memory seats at all. But this will disable memory mirrors as well.
Title was funny and not so funny at the same.

**miA4** · 10-24-2016 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by N2HYC

Mi, you need an IQ above 75 to appreciate the humor, children need not reply

Being someone that has struggled with suicide, this has nothing to do with IQ. Using suicide as some form of humor, shows that you need to be educated on how to conduct yourself when making a joke.

**Okedokey** · 10-24-2016 04:09 PM

As ex military with PTSD I can only say get fkd. You're now on my 'do not help' list. Theres not many there... so congrats.

**billyhoyle** · 10-24-2016 05:01 PM

Wtf does "oiling up my dykes and about to begin clipping" mean? And who the fuck is Mr. Frederick in Hollywood??

Ya ya, vulgarity shmulgarity.

**aluthman** · 10-24-2016 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by billyhoyle

Wtf does "oiling up my dykes and about to begin clipping" mean? And who the fuck is Mr. Frederick in Hollywood??

Ya ya, vulgarity shmulgarity.

Dykes = side cutter pliers aka wire cutters

**pezgoon** · 10-24-2016 05:20 PM

Lol you must not have a wife or girlfriend whom wears lingerie? Fredricks.com

He meant start cutting wires so it would stop moving

Are you trying to stop it from moving, or just moving back and forth while trying to exit? I don't have memory seats so I can't help much but I find it weird that it moves back and forth depending whether it detects you rather than based upon unlocking/door opening/key insertion like my Saab 95 did. I also was able to just shut it off (cause I didn't like it moving back and forth lol) it's weird that you can't, only suggestion I have is pulling the fuse or unprogramming it from vag com

I wouldn't suggest cutting any wires lol, you may F up the airbag system by doing that haha

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**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by z_wrecker

Your car is possessed!!! I've seen this many times before. I can perform an exorcism through email. Paypal fee is $100 for the first one and $75 for any others after that

Outstanding! Just put it on my account

**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 06:34 PM

Originally Posted by pezgoon

Lol you must not have a wife or girlfriend whom wears lingerie? Fredricks.com

He meant start cutting wires so it would stop moving

Are you trying to stop it from moving, or just moving back and forth while trying to exit? I don't have memory seats so I can't help much but I find it weird that it moves back and forth depending whether it detects you rather than based upon unlocking/door opening/key insertion like my Saab 95 did. I also was able to just shut it off (cause I didn't like it moving back and forth lol) it's weird that you can't, only suggestion I have is pulling the fuse or unprogramming it from vag com

I wouldn't suggest cutting any wires lol, you may F up the airbag system by doing that haha

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This is just an unexpected consequent. Actually if more then one person drives on a regular basis it would be great. It is a pain to have to adjust all these things back to what you find comfortable. I don't share my car with anyone else and all this back and forth is to allow someone an easier exit or entrance. If someone was old, or had some significant disability it's probably a God send, but for people like me a royal Pain!

Believe me, if I thought there was a wire to cut I'd do it in a NY minute, but even if I found it I'd loose the ability to move it when I needed to. Same for the fuse, and I imagine all the controls are on one fuse anyway. I'll just keep researching, SOMEONE must have found a work around, now all I have to do is find him,lol.

Appreciate the help

**N2HYC** · 10-24-2016 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by aluthman

Dykes = side cutter pliers aka wire cutters

Thanks for interpreting. You are probably right. Somewhere some guy is reading it and thinking "Why would he need a lesbian to cut a wire", LOL

**pezgoon** · 10-24-2016 06:40 PM

Ya so like has been said, I'd take a look at your fuse panel, almost positive it's all on one fuse because it covers more than one system, being the seat and mirrors, and it's an option. I'm almost positive I have seen an empty fuse spot on mine which is supposed to be for the memory.

If it shares a fuse with something else and that isn't an option, all you have to do is vag-com it. Which means you reprogram a bit of coding (very easy with a vag-com cable) and it makes he car think it has regular power seats, instead of the memory ones, thus removing the memory functions, thus the seat no longer moves on its own.

I'd look for the fuse first cause it's free, if the fuse cannot be pulled, then either buy a vag-com to reprogram, or find someone local to you whom is willing to do it, you can generally find a list of people willing to help in the regional chat section

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**yeoj112689** · 10-24-2016 08:30 PM

**danbfree** · 10-24-2016 10:02 PM

Why not program all four settings to the exact same position? Lol

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**derrek** · 10-24-2016 10:53 PM

Dog thread because you dont joke about stuff like this and i'm not going to help you.

**AudiNFS** · 10-25-2016 07:15 AM

Originally Posted by N2HYC

Well I'm sure you are, I'm sure you don't think your mother found your stash of Victoria Secrets catalogs and of course Mr. Frederick in Hollywood.

I remember a prof telling me "People who use vulgarity lack the knowledge and ability to frame a sentence properly." Exhibit one for the Professor.

You need a comma after your first "well" in this post.

Don't talk to me about fucking grammar, peasant.

**derrek** · 10-25-2016 07:17 AM

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**pezgoon** · 10-25-2016 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by danbfree

Why not program all four settings to the exact same position? Lol

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He is referring to how it adjusts for you to get in/out of the car more easily

The rest of these are hilarious, I'm really enjoying the Halloween theme

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**derrek** · 10-25-2016 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by pezgoon

He is referring to how it adjusts for you to get in/out of the car more easily

The rest of these are hilarious, I'm really enjoying the Halloween theme

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Glad someone appreciates it

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**danbfree** · 10-25-2016 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by pezgoon

He is referring to how it adjusts for you to get in/out of the car more easily

The rest of these are hilarious, I'm really enjoying the Halloween theme

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Hmmm, I'm not aware of that, my car doesn't adjust the seat automatically when I get in/out. I thought he was bumping one of the other memory setting buttons...

**pezgoon** · 10-25-2016 09:20 AM

You have the memory functions? Well your a prime candidate to help him figure out how to stop his! Lol. He's trying to get his memory to stop moving but he says it only works temporarily

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**danbfree** · 10-25-2016 09:37 AM

Originally Posted by pezgoon

You have the memory functions? Well your a prime candidate to help him figure out how to stop his! Lol. He's trying to get his memory to stop moving but he says it only works temporarily

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If my "memory" serves correctly, unless you press the button to "Off", the seat/mirrors will adjust back to setting 1 when you get in if the seat/mirrors has been adjusted from the memory 1 settings... So just use the "Off" button if you don't want it adjusting back to memory 1 settings after adjustment. Also, you can just make sure memory setting 1 is saved for the main, irritated driver: With the car in park, just set the seat and mirrors to how you want it, press and hold "Mem" or whatever it's called, firmly for a full second, then button 1 firmly for a full second.