Geez, this is really scaring me! Sorry to hear that BEM3.
I'm 6000mi into a new short block and 5000mi into a new passenger-side head. I had a software update prior to the new head. All seems well so far, but I hope your experience isn't a foreshadowing of mine. I've got about 5 mos. left on original warranty and 12 beyond that as a goodwill gesture.
I, too, don't know what car to turn to if this doesn't work out. I want an AWD wagon and have been scared off by turbos and am now scared of direct injection. Maybe I'll have to settle for less room and look for an A3 3.2 or less power by going back to BMW (I had a 2001 330i) and look for a 328xiT.
Good luck (to all of us)!