More electrical problems (Long)

[AudiMat]

Some may remember my issues driving my car from Massachusetts to Chicago a few weeks ago. For a few days things resolved themselves and then all hell broke loose on Monday afternoon. The following is a list of issues that are currently going on with the car:

-Valet mode stuck on (have removed button and made certain there is contact on the circuit board, the bottom is not broken). Yellow LED is not illuminated.
-Warning to not excess 4000k PRM in DIS
-Exterior mirrors will adjust but won't tilt down when in reverse
-Check engine light is on
-EPC light is on
-Exterior temperature display not showing temperature
-PRND/S scale not illuminated
-Alarm LED flashing constantly (even when running)
-Lock chirp not working
-Trunk will not open
-Drive select buttons not working or illuminated, traction control button not working or illuminated
-Adaptive headlight range control malfunction warning in DIS
-Headlights on regardless of switch position
-DRL strips not working
-Front turn signals not working
-Gauge cluster does not light up except for needles
-TPMS malfunction warning in DIS and warning light flashing in cluster
-Interior dome lights not working
-Lane assist not working
-Homelink garage door opener not working
-Horn not working
-Windshield wipers/washers not working
-Rear parking system/camera not working
-Power steering not working properly (left over from drive home issues)
-Parking brake malfunction warning in DIS (left over from drive home issues)

There may be more things that are not working that I have just not found yet. There are so many more options on this than on my old B7 so I don't know too much about it yet.

I've checked fuses, all good. When I was able to open the trunk on Monday morning before all the issues started I had the battery tested and it was working perfectly. I do have my own VAG COM cable but the laptop I had to run it on broke so I have not scanned the car yet. I'm going to just go to Walmart and get a cheap laptop but its raining at the moment here and without windshield wipers I don't want to drive anywhere at the moment.

Any thoughts? Since this is only my second week with this car and platform I honestly don't know where to start. [confused][=(]

[supachaged]

Other than knowing the codes and having some sort of direction on which to start diagnosing,I would check all grounds first.


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[cspcrx]

I agree with this. Was any work done the weeks or months prior to your trip?

[LYKUNO]

Other than knowing the codes and having some sort of direction on which to start diagnosing,I would check all grounds first. ...Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I also agree with this. Missing or weak grounds can cause all sorts of unusual electrical problems. I would even suggest taking a jumper cable and going from the negative post of the battery and taking it all the way to the front of the car and making a connection to known good grounding spots on both the engine itself and the body structure under the hood. If your jumper cable's not long enough, use some 12ga electrical cable to electrically connect the battery's negative post/terminal to the engine and forward (unpainted) body structure.

[LYKUNO]

AudiMat: Any updates on the electrical issues? Any luck on getting those gremlins fixed permanently?