My first DIY: How to FAIL (funny and sad)

[jimrobbington]

Here is my DIY on how to fail, but first, here are the tools you will need.
1.) A Drill
2.) A Beer
3.) A decent set of Votex Replica splitters, and
4.) Self tapping screws.

First thing you do, drink some beer. mmmmm. beer. Microbrew preferably.
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020186.jpg

Next, take your drill, and evenly drill holes through the bottom of the splitters. Approximately one inch in from the bottom edge, and three inches apart.
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020190.jpg

Next, test fit the piece to the bumper, to make sure where you want it placed. Everything fits? Good. Now take your self-tapping screws,
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020184.jpg
and drill them straight up through the splitter into the bumper cover, starting from the middle of the bumper outwards, each time making sure everything is in place before the next screw. Looks good! Now you are on your way to failure!
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020191.jpg
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020194.jpg
Now, all you need to do, is the exact same thing on the other side, but first, better check on the dogs. They've been alone inside for a while.
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020185.jpg
Ok, even though one dog has a boner, I think they are ok, time to move on.

Drill, your holes, and test fit the other side. Looks managable. But wait! These are from where? Taiwan? WTF!!![headbang] And when you push it in and get it to fit, the other side comes out in the front!
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020195.jpg
Ok, so now your beer is empty, They only have right sides of cars to use for molds in Taiwan, you've already drilled holes, so you can't return it, and you are pissed because you came home early from work today because you were excited to ruin your car!

So now, with your FML attitude, and a great fail blooming like a beautiful rose right in front of you, you remember why you got these splitters in the first place. To cover this up.
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020192.jpg
The wonderful tear, not a crack, a tear, that the previous owner left for you. So you look at this and think, fuck it. This bumper sucks anyway. I always wanted an s-line bumper, so what's the worst that can happen. Not like I can really ruin my bumper much more anyway.

Now, get your drill, and your screws, and start drilling the shit out of everything. Drill, drill, drill. Screw, screw, screw. Cock, shit, fuck.

So now, you have a beautiful new failure on the front of your car. You know, the car that you would leave your wife for if she made you choose? Yeah. That one. Now paint all the screws white,
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020196.jpg
and there you have it! Some shit bolted on the front of your car! Voila! Fail FTMFW!
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020201.jpg
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020200.jpg
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020204.jpg
I thought I would share, since I have never seen a fail on AZ, only heard of it happening. I hope you all enjoy! Any ideas, comments, or S-line bumpers are welcome.

On a side note, how come when you put the key words "how to" in the tag line for a new thread, it suggests "how to be gay"? WTF?

[k33psp00lin]

lol honestly doesn't look half bad in the pics, nice save bro how much were the parts?

[redkid's b6]

hey if you car was slammed i think it wouldn't look too bad. the screws really aren't that noticeable in the picture

[alifelessplague]

you managed to get a pick of your dogs boner, fail and love it, you ramble on cursing in one DIY. excellent. hey i think it looks pretty good so you had to do what you had to do, better than that tear out in the open..

[jimrobbington]

I paid 300 shipped, for both splitters, and spoiler, paintmatched. Paint matches well, and spoiler looks good.
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020198.jpg
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020199.jpg

[AWDTURBO]

OMG i actually LOL at the dog picture.

[jimrobbington]

I figured, there's too many arguments on this site lately, too many dumb questions, it was time for some entertainment value with a lesson learned. I appreciate that all comments have been positive so far...

[jimrobbington]

OMG i actually LOL at the dog picture.

I honestly did not plan that. I peeked inside the door with the camera, took a picture, and didn't even notice the boner til I put it on the computer.

[mattman]

I think this is the best DIY i've seen in a long time. [up]

[NERO Quattro]

I dont think this is a fail.... made me laugh and the dogs face with the boner - priceless.[up]

[nnnick]

good save. Did you put screws in the other side? if not, you should consider it - most people will assume its intentional that way? Kind of like a rivited look.

Car is coming together nicely [up]

Beer - the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems

[jimrobbington]

maybe I can find a really thin-headed screw to replace these with so it's even less noticable? It's very obvious in person unless you are 20 feet away. Maybe, I should even paint the screws black, like they are supposed to be there?

[jimrobbington]

good save. Did you put screws in the other side? if not, you should consider it - most people will assume its intentional that way? Kind of like a rivited look.

Car is coming together nicely [up]

Beer - the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems

Thankyou, and yes, I am a freak about symmetry. I immediately screwed the side that fit right in all the same places, just so it would match. I hated the fact that my jetta only had one muffler, and it was on one side. I'm weird like that. Even my tattoos have to be in the middle, or on both sides of my body.

[Erocko]

Awsome job on the DIY, looks good to me. I might try getting some screw that are more flush, but that's up to you. Good way to cover up the torn bumper.

[brownishwater]

That's hilarious. It really doesn't look that bad from the pictures; looks better then having the big crack in the front.

Oh, and the pug's expression is classic.

[jimrobbington]

It was all supposed to be a real DIY, and I wasn't about to waste all those pictures I took.

[HPW]

maybe I can find a really thin-headed screw to replace these with so it's even less noticable? It's very obvious in person unless you are 20 feet away. Maybe, I should even paint the screws black, like they are supposed to be there?

Was gonna suggest this - some flush headed screws might clean it up a bit, but all in all it's a good save. And I do like the rear spoiler.

[Sharkfin]

hahahah hilarious

[BLACKa4QUAT]

i lol'ed, heh.

[jimrobbington]

If my car can't be perfect, at least I can make a few people laugh.

[AvantJunkie]

LMFAO!! Thank you for making my day at work more tolerable! I'm sorry about your troubles, but at least you kept a sense of humor about it and salvaged it nicely!!

[Murre R]

Hahaha, dog's a little ghey lol

[AudiTFSI3o3]

OP - when i tried installing these myself when i was nonSline i did the exact same thing. I ended up drilling two holes for screws right where the splitter ends at the wheel. sucks thought man but looks good overall

[MMMB00ST_A4]

Hahaha, dog's a little ghey lol

LMAO!! This thread was sooo full of WIN!!! No fail in sight [>_<]!! Ghey dog was fuckin' hilarious!!

[AudiTFSI3o3]

here are some pics of the front of my car when i was non sline.

i first tried out the CF votex splitters i bought on ebay but carbon fiber is something you can't really work with especially if you do need to twist and bend to the bumper. in the end i got a couple cracks but overall it looked pretty clean. if you look close enough you can see the screws closest to the wheel.

http://i384.photobucket.com/albums/oo288/AudiTFSI3o3/l_eba37aba62374568bc8f8df40b132745.jpg

then got rid of em and got the PU painted splitters and it looked a lot more clean especially with the CC mod.

http://i384.photobucket.com/albums/oo288/AudiTFSI3o3/l_0c3ea8290f2a4b11bb9d24edaa60970c.jpg

[TKC]

LOL the dog pic had my busting up in my office at work [>_<]

[jimrobbington]

I just painted the screws on one side black. Better or worse?

http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020206.jpg
http://i366.photobucket.com/albums/oo109/jimrobbington/P1020205.jpg

[pw211]

actually better I think!

[CBRmatt600]

Worse.

And I spit my taco out when I got to the dog boner.

[AudiTFSI3o3]

I left mine the silver color it came and it stood out pretty nice on carbon. btw didn't mean to thread jack op [:(]

[TKC]

Hmmmm, I liked it when the screws were white better.

[jimrobbington]

I left mine the silver color it came and it stood out pretty nice on carbon. btw didn't mean to thread jack op [:(]

No, not at all, I like the PU ones better than the carbon fiber.

[jimrobbington]

Matt, I didn't know what else to do, so I added to your rep for spitting out your taco. sorry.

[AudiTFSI3o3]

You should def. keep it white and CC it'll look wayyy cleaner

[Quattro]

you can't notice teh screws all that much....at least you modded, shit happens I have broken my far amount of things....

Email them and see if they can sell you the left side only

[spitfire11]

You should def. keep it white and CC it'll look wayyy cleaner

x2

[jimrobbington]

I'm prob. saving up for some Dectanes, and Fly's mod. Or just Fly's mod on these. Then, I'll clear corner. At least I have them set to Rest of the world so they're never on.

[Coderedpl]

You should do the other side like that to match :P

[bmc333]

LMFAO! Great thread- - - dog pic got me cracking up too and so did everyone's replies to that.

[jacx920]

haha i literally lmao'd when I saw the dog, but didn't read the DIY cause I didn't like the outcome, but it def wasnt a fail though.

[{PMS}fishy]

Paint matches well

Looks terrible in the pictures. Doesn't even look close.

[pw211]

Looks terrible in the pictures. Doesn't even look close.

nice? [down]

[jimrobbington]

Looks terrible in the pictures. Doesn't even look close.

It's kinda funny, they match the car well, but I never noticed before how really, really bad the entire bumper is covered in chips and dings, and the paint is ruined. The previous owner drove dirt roads daily, I believe.

[{PMS}fishy]

It's kinda funny, they match the car well, but I never noticed before how really, really bad the entire bumper is covered in chips and dings, and the paint is ruined. The previous owner drove dirt roads daily, I believe.

Rally Car? [:D]

[jmars]

Awesome post! Sorry about your misfortune though.

The look of shame on the puggs face is priceless

[B-Time]

Great thread! +1 Rep.

Sucks about the poor fit. Rivets would be flatter than screws.

[jimrobbington]

Great thread! +1 Rep.

Sucks about the poor fit. Rivets would be flatter than screws.

Home Depot?

[Gingerkid]

Thankyou, and yes, I am a freak about symmetry. I immediately screwed the side that fit right in all the same places, just so it would match. I hated the fact that my jetta only had one muffler, and it was on one side. I'm weird like that. Even my tattoos have to be in the middle, or on both sides of my body.

You are not the only one my friend... although I have no tats. Great post and + rep. [:D]

[B-Time]

Home Depot?

I got my rivet gun at Home Depot or Lowe's. I think it was $25 or $30.

Edit: Here is what I have Lowes (http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=productDetail&productId=74119-412-RHT300&lpage=none). Couldn't find it on Home Depot site, but I'm sure they have them.

[jimrobbington]

You are not the only one my friend... although I have no tats. Great post and + rep. [:D]

I finally think I figured out what your friggin picture is. Warthog head on a wall? It looked like a creepy dead dog in a waterbed or something. LOL.

[IceMole]

since you're covering that crack pull the screws, epoxy + clamps

[BriAnders]

its the apollo 13 of DIY... its starts out as a great idea but everything goes horribly wrong. fortunately, with a little ingenuity your project managed to pull through successfully.

[adamc514]

LOL. + rep to you jimrob for the interesting DIY. This was some much needed comic relief from a rough day at the office.

[Hyphy]

ha ha ha @ the pic's

[ataylor]

x2 on the flat heads or epoxy, at least paint them white again if you decide to keep the current screws

[nycmalu]

Very nice save... I think I like the screws better when they were white (don't take that out of context)
You should probably go with flat heads and spray those white too...
Also, mind sharing the name of the seller so we can avoid similar failure in the future?

[jimrobbington]

already back to white. it was just an idea.

[jimrobbington]

CarKing, I believe. Good for spoiler, bad for splitter

[IceMole]

Now that I think of it here's what I would do. Pull the screws out, clamp that sucker to the bumper get some plastic weld and put a dot at every screw hole which will fuse it to the bumper like screws but won't show, sand smooth and paint the little dots white.

[CZA420tAvant]

red rocket!!!

I would say need a new bumper, sorry but the screws kill it for mw.

[Charles]

Your pug was probably thinking...

"Ok, dad's outside...time to handle some bidness. Yeah....oh yeah...feels nice...WTF!! Why are you sneaking in on me?? A picture? Really? I've got a boner here!!"

Seriously, I'd either use some epoxy or countersink the screws and slap some plastic fill in the holes and paint.

[supamannn99]

awesome diy.

[Spiff69]

Red Rocket! Red Rocket!

[TX-A4]

This thread is fawkin hilarious, even more so if ur drunk, and believe me, I am.

Love the dog's lipstick [:D].

[Spiff69]

This thread is fawkin hilarious, even more so if ur drunk, and believe me, I am.

Love the dog's lipstick [:D].

Love it? [o_o]

[Msu2312]

good save. Did you put screws in the other side? if not, you should consider it - most people will assume its intentional that way? Kind of like a rivited look.

Car is coming together nicely [up]

Beer - the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems

lmao

[jimrobbington]

its the apollo 13 of DIY... its starts out as a great idea but everything goes horribly wrong. fortunately, with a little ingenuity your project managed to pull through successfully.

And no one died or caught fire!

[Koby]

LOL great thread, keep the screws white.

[Nobuttsechs4me]

Red Rocket Red Rocket[drive]

[MichiganAudiDvr]

Seriously, I'd either use some epoxy or countersink the screws and slap some plastic fill in the holes and paint.

Yes - sink those screws (although you will have to get different screws because those heads are huge) and plastic fill over them - then, perfect.

Otherwise IceMole's epoxy idea is the next best - but it may be easier, and over the long term better to keep the screws.

[davis449]

What you should do is go take it over to a body shop and say "Look what I did, now please fix it." If you want to make this work, you are definitely going to need side skirts. See pics below.

http://content.glidesociety.com/image.aspx?id=4fa8ee50-3ace-47d2-8a01-300afc59694d

http://content.glidesociety.com/image.aspx?id=99ad1ee6-ec7c-4134-a283-373fad014093

http://content.glidesociety.com/image.aspx?id=816db1f3-0fab-40d2-9b0f-8d6be307c5bf

[jimrobbington]

Man, I love our white cars. Never realized it til I had one. May never go color again.

[TheHeggi]

The dog pic definitely has LOL factor too it! [up]

[Shaboink]

The dog definitely completes this! But I would rivet it for sure and paint them to match.

[audidrver]

Sry to laugh at you, but haha.

+1 for sharing

[Huli467]

Good save, doesn't look that bad - but still pretty crappy that they both sides do not match. I liked the package name for the "self tapping" screws. LOL!!

[adub]

Someone buy the guy another beer! Great post, haha.

[pw211]

haha you have two bars of rep now just thanks to this thread [>_<]

[Der Konig]

bahaha, thanks for the laughs, actually busted up laughing a few times throughout reading that.

[jimrobbington]

Well, at least out of all of this, whether good or bad, I got some rep. It's kinda funny that a fail is more popular than a win, if its done right. Heading to Home Depot tomorrow, to try to find some fail camouflage.

[Doctor]

Why dont you put some kind of sticker where the three bolts are, at least thats what I would do...hehe....
And the other one painted white, I think it would not be noticeable...

[Wanted]

While the situation sucks - great job on the write-up! The sarcasm oozes and the dogs where hilarious.

[jimrobbington]

Ha ha! I'm glad to know that this thread is still found and appreciated for all my trouble! Thanks.

[WayzataAudi]

i never really realized that we have like the same exact car almost...just drop yours and get some black rims and were twins!

but seriously, that boner is hilarious. and nice fail...it brightened my day even though i slept through one of my classes. [:(]

[jimrobbington]

i never really realized that we have like the same exact car almost...just drop yours and get some black rims and were twins!

but seriously, that boner is hilarious. and nice fail...it brightened my day even though i slept through one of my classes. [:(]

I know! I can't wait to drop it next year after winter is over. I wanted black rims for a long time, but you can't see them at a lot of angles, so I think I am going to go with gunmetal.

[WayzataAudi]

yeah i was between matte black and gunmetal, but im all about consistancy so i figured black would work well...and your right it is kinda tough to see them at dif angles but i like it. and gunmetal would look sick as well.

[jimrobbington]

Are those the VMR v708s you are rockin? 18" or 19"?

edit: I looked at some of your other posts, and it appears they are stock 17s painted black, right?

[WayzataAudi]

yeah they are the stock 17's....but its enough for me. im a poor college kid and im lucky enough to have this car so im not tryin to dump my life savings into it....yet. [>_<] what rims are you lookin at gettin?

[jimrobbington]

I can't figure it out. It's so hard to decide. Price is an issue, since I will need wheels, tires, and coil overs all at the same time. But the VMR 708s are looking pretty good with the entire wheel/tire package for 1600 shipped, but don't know if I should go with 18s or 19s. 19s look damn good, but I hear there is a pretty good difference in performance because of weight.http://www.audizine.com/gallery/data/500/wm_V708_ONYX.jpg

[Jagg3d]

here are some pics of the front of my car when i was non sline.

i first tried out the CF votex splitters i bought on ebay but carbon fiber is something you can't really work with especially if you do need to twist and bend to the bumper. in the end i got a couple cracks but overall it looked pretty clean. if you look close enough you can see the screws closest to the wheel.

http://i384.photobucket.com/albums/oo288/AudiTFSI3o3/l_eba37aba62374568bc8f8df40b132745.jpg

then got rid of em and got the PU painted splitters and it looked a lot more clean especially with the CC mod.

http://i384.photobucket.com/albums/oo288/AudiTFSI3o3/l_0c3ea8290f2a4b11bb9d24edaa60970c.jpg

The Painted ones, did you get them from Ebay? Saw this there: http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Painted-Audi-A4-B7-Front-Splitter-06-up-chin-spoiler_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQhashZitem3c9e1d6df7QQite mZ260350766583QQptZMotorsQ5fCarQ5fTruckQ5fPartsQ5f Accessories

Those the same one you ordered?

[jimrobbington]

Yes, that is the exact same seller I bought from

[Hockenheim]

The white and black Audi rings are fail too

[Jagg3d]

Yes, that is the exact same seller I bought from

Hmm, and fitment was off. Crap. Would've been nice with a decent price and painted splitters..... Love the DIY btw ;)

[jimrobbington]

The white and black Audi rings are fail too

Why? Don't hate...

[jimrobbington]

Hmm, and fitment was off. Crap. Would've been nice with a decent price and painted splitters..... Love the DIY btw ;)

And Thanks to this thread, I saved you a couple hundred bucks.

[Jagg3d]

And Thanks to this thread, I saved you a couple hundred bucks.

Not to mention the aggrevation [:D] Looks like I owe you at least a beer!

[JohnUSMC]

LOLZ

[jimrobbington]

Not to mention the aggrevation [:D] Looks like I owe you at least a beer!

Mmmm... I like beer. And after being sick for like a week so far, I could really use one right about now.

[VMRWheels]

this is probably the best DIY i've read in a long time. a big [up] for you!! [:)]

[jimrobbington]

this is probably the best DIY i've read in a long time. a big [up] for you!! [:)]

10% off my next wheel perchase? LOL

[VMRWheels]

coupon code: PINKDOGBONER

[jimrobbington]

coupon code: PINKDOGBONER

That made me literally LOL. I'll try it when I order, but you gotta promise that they won't refuse my order cuz I typed in PINKDOGBONER.

[Brower206]

Where di you get that trunk spoiler at? looks awesome i kinda the black screws... its kinda goes with your car

[mec]

dog boner!!!!!hahahaha shit that was funny.

[wildcat333]

wow, I enjoyed this.

[Adub-Drew]

This guy tried putting on Jay Leno chin attachments on his car lol, [facepalm].

[ItsNox]

I laughed out loud through the whole story!! Thanks for this jim! This shit was soooo hilarious.

Then loled again @ coupon code PINKDOGBONER

[jimrobbington]

Lol, proof that noobs can search! This thread was buried deep.

Sent from my porcelain throne.

[Rabbit]

I'm necro bumping this because it's my favorite and the pictures borked. Fix! Fix! Fix!

[EvolutionArmory]

I'm necro bumping this because it's my favorite and the pictures borked. Fix! Fix! Fix!

You bumped it for nothing because Photobucket hijacked the Internet.

[Rabbit]

You bumped it for nothing because Photobucket hijacked the Internet.
Well, I was hoping he still had the pictures floating around and could use a different host. 🤷