How do I help my wife move past brake failure experience?

[doughboy17]

Okay, my wife had the brakes on her Ford Escape fail … in a parking lot due to a brake line rupture. In <48 hrs., our mechanic replaced not only the ruptured line but the others as well (125K+ on the vehicle).

The experience has left her a traumatized, emotional nut-job. Although I have not had that happen to me and realize it would be frightening, I need to help her move past the “I need a new car syndrome” to trust her vehicle again. These lines are wear items and we don’t have the $ for a new vehicle.

Any suggestions … from experience? … and no, I am not giving her my B7 A4.

[Hugh@EuropaParts]

That is a scary thing to get over... I think the best way would be to drive the car yourself with her in the passenger seat. Go out over the weekend to a nice dinner or another activity you both enjoy. Drive the car again with her in the passenger seat. She will then see that the car is functioning the way it should be and will feel a little more comfortable.

[walky_talky20]

Fuel lines rusted and ruptured on an '02 with only 125k? Did you at least replace them with copper/nickel line that will never rust again?

But as far as the trust issue, has she seen the failed lines? Has she seen the new lines in their installed position? That would be the most reassuring to me. That, and knowing the new ones are guaranteed rust-proof alloy lines. Other than that, humans regain trust by repeated positive experiences and consistent demonstrations of reliability. You may need to take her to a large parking lot and do some repeated panic stopping. If the pavement is dry, you might even want to pull the ABS fuse so she can do some very satisfying screeching stops. Nothing says panic stop like some dark black lines on the pavement. Tell her you'll buy her a new car if she can make that pedal touch the floor.

[CorneliusRox]

This kind of reminds me of when I hit gravel on my bike and went down hard. I drove very slow for a few months before I started having fun on it again. The best thing to do is just face your fears and instead of standing back scared, try and understand the system. For me, I am still scared of gravel and will never drive as reckless as I did that day, but I sought out better riding techniques, honed my senses on spotting gravel (or other junk for that matter), and found a new respect for the road.

I am sure she will never be as care free driving as she was before this, but it is a process and she needs to work through it. It really is all on her, you can help, but she needs to fight through it.

[A4-Wookie]

Exposure therapy!

As the others have said...show her that the lines has been replaced, let her see them and if you had the old lines, show her those and explain why they failed (wear). You have to constantly re assure her it's ok and don't force her or get mad at her for not wanting to drive the car. I would recommend, after you visually showed her and explained everything... That you maybe start by having her move the car from the driveway and into the garage (or move it out from garage to driveway). Something very small! Getting her to simply sit in the car and turning it on is a big step in itself (even if she doesn't move it). You can have her pump the brakes (say your checking the tail lights, etc).

If shes willing to... You can also drive the car out and while she sits in the passenger seat, so she can see everything is ok and that the problems have been fixed. It may take some time, but don't force her and be supportive no matter what. If she's good with driving other cars, that's good in itself. You don't want her developing PTSD.

[LagIsForePlay]

Okay, my wife had the brakes on her Ford Escape fail … in a parking lot due to a brake line rupture.

Honestly, tell your wife to grow up. It would be a different experience had it been on the freeway, but in a parking lot?! My brakes failed on a beater car that I had, due to a rupture, while on a main road. It seems that your wife needs to be shown what to do in those situations so she doesn't freak out again. However, to get her over her "fear" have her drive the car again, but it seems like she is using this experience as an excuse to get a new car...

[Ed Gein]

Never knew there were so many psychologists on the Zine...

[A4-Wookie]

Never knew there were so many psychologists on the Zine...

< BA in Psych, working on my Masters :D

[CorneliusRox]

< BA in Psych, working on my Masters :D

Burn!! lol ;-)

[Exanimas]

Honestly, tell your wife to grow up. It would be a different experience had it been on the freeway, but in a parking lot?! My brakes failed on a beater car that I had, due to a rupture, while on a main road. It seems that your wife needs to be shown what to do in those situations so she doesn't freak out again. However, to get her over her "fear" have her drive the car again, but it seems like she is using this experience as an excuse to get a new car...

That seems pretty harsh. You're forgetting that women don't think like us. I hit a patch of ice and start to skid, I just scream TOKYO DRIFT and turn it into a cool move. A woman does that? Every car and telephone pole within a mile is getting hit. Point is, she's probably a lot more susceptible to trauma than you or me, so chill out brah

[DRAKLORE]

yeah my first thought would be "really" but that mentality will just make things worse. my wife was pregnant and hit an ice patch and did 360s into the ditch.
My mother lost a child this same way 20 years back, and talking with her my wife was able to realize things could have been much much worse (as we didnt lose the baby)
sometimes things happen in life, it can be coincidental, chance, missfortune or whatever. no miracles, or invisible beings deciding when they happen or who lives to talk about it. just pure random chance, and to many factors of nature to determine the outcome. live, learn and grow and be happy it wasnt worse!
she drove cautiously (always does anyways) for months but living in maine we took it as a learning experience.

[A42007]

At least she is OK. Failures in car's happen all the time. I would just assure her that a shop replaced all parts and nothing like that will be happening again. New car or not shit happens.

I had a brake line rip in my Jeep Cherokee while going down a Level 4 trail (They are out of 5), lost all brakes and was gaining speed quick down the side of a mountain. I thought for sure that was the end since I was coming down the back side and the edge drop was at least a mile down hill. I pulled my E-Brake and flipped it on it's side intentionally, I have been off roading ever since I got my licence and have learned a thing or two. I was with about 4 different Jeeps and luckily I was leading. I slide to a stop in the middle of the trail. We were able to flip her back over, replace the brake line and continued down the mountain. While I was scared and shaken up at the time for sure, I have been driving the same Jeep for 4 years now down trails. Not saying this story will cure her fear, but maybe share it with her. If we fall, he have too get back up. I didn't even repair the damages on the side as a reminder.

Might be able to explain to her that a brake system is relatively simple, and if worst came to worse. Be calm and SLOWLY pull the E-brake, or push it I believe it is in that vehicle. Should be enough IF a brake failure ever occurred again, Which is highly unlikely.

[multiphrenic]

make her take the bus...

[Inked]

My wife flipped my SRT4 3 times about 6 years ago...she's still not over it. Sorry about the bad news

[lIRATIl]

No one said it?

PIITB.

But seriously, just let her drive. Exposé her.

[DRAKLORE]

Doesn't rule 22 apply?

Haha

[Jay-Bee]

My ex a couple years back rolled her Golf in the winter, we got it out of the ditch and towed home, very little damage i punched the roof back into place and ordered a new side mirror.

She was back in it the next day cruisin'.

Damn it why did she have to be french and crazy? She even drove manual like a pro...

on the topic, i think you'll have to do some driving in the Escape with her for a bit, or maybe attend/watch some driving course stuff... knowing how to stop a vehicle when the brakes fail would be good info... ie. using auto gears... hand/E brake, aiming for "soft" areas lol.

Good luck!

I once fell asleep in the backseat of a friends car hammered when I was about 19, he slid off the road and hit a ditch and i hit the roof, waking up in the air was a little unsettling, i haven't been able to sleep well as a passenger since then, but the coach bus we take to work is no problem

[soleam87]

Something similar, but different happened to me.

One morning while commuting to work my accelerator got stuck with my all weather rubber floor mat. It wouldn't release until I yanked the floor mat all the way back. So I can somewhat relate when it comes to not having control of the car.

Us guys are a little different as far as being traumatized. I would honestly say, you might have to buy her another car just for peace of mind.

I dunno

[moyenecorniche]

FORD.......Need I say anymore....???
Seriously, I replaced the rear brake lines on my 2003/4 FX4 Ranger last fall, same situation of the line corroding and failing, but I was parked and had just loaded the truck up to get to a job site..
Unfortunately Ford attaches their brake lines with steel clamps which run over the axle thus exposing the lines to additional corrosion.
It is a problem with Ford vehicles, they do their job but are not engineered to last and break down repeatedly where they shouldn't.
since being 18 I have owned 3 Pickups, 1 Econoline Van, 1 Explore and now a Ranger. So over 30 years I needed 5 vehicles from the same manufacturer, which gives an average of less than 7 years per vehicle...( Durable Goods )

Here is what I suggest, longevity of components is not a Plus with Ford, so therefore since buying a new vehicle is also out of the budget, the only remaining sensible option is a well thought out inspection and maintenance schedule performed on a regular basis.....I admit I am myself not in any way as meticulous in maintenance for the Ford as I am for the Audi....However I do check things out regularly.
There is no better way to feel confident about your vehicle than to know yourself where it stands on maintenance issues...
My point is you are going to have to force her to learn and perform periodic checks on her car herself...There is no reason as to why she cannot crawl under over and around the car and check things out...If puzzled than ask questions...

I know it is a battle with most women to get them to even think of popping the hood and checking the vital fluids...I pull my hair out trying to get the wifey to do it..."..I'll just take it to PeP Boys...Nooooo... "is usually the answer.
Once you know your vehicle is up tp specs because you checked it yourself and it really is a positive reinforcement and confidence builder than getting in and driving away is much less stressful....

[pw211]

So you have a B7 and your wife is driving a Ford Escape with failing brakes?

[jimrobbington]

My .02.

Learn that specific brake setup your self. Get her involved. Show her how it works. Maybe once a month, get with her and inspect everything together. She will trust you more than a random mechanic, as long as you understand the system well, and show confidence in your knowledge and ability. Change pads together. Get your hands dirty. Doing things TOGETHER is the key with a woman.

[doughboy17]

No one said it?

PIITB.

But seriously, just let her drive. Exposé her.

:) I won’t divulge how quickly I developed this as a possible response to her over-emotion and anger.

[doughboy17]

Thanks to EVERYONE for all of the suggestions! I plan to try the suggestions to drive the car with my wife in the passenger seat (to dispel the accusation that I don’t care whether she and kids live or die), encourage her to perform some panic stops in a parking lot, and review options to stop were she ever to experience that again (really, I do not even want to do the last one because she will interpret it as my belief it will happen again; however, I already discussed exactly that last night … with my 11 yr. old). That will be an accomplishment in itself, so, unfortunately, showing her the brake lines/getting her under the car/ her performing regular maintenance checks is not going to happen.

yeah my first thought would be "really"

Mine too

Unfortunately Ford attaches their brake lines with steel clamps which run over the axle thus exposing the lines to additional corrosion.
It is a problem with Ford vehicles,

That’s exactly what my mechanic told me.

[Dangler]

replace front driver seat with sybian

problem solved.

[anta4]

Thats scary..

[mec]

Ford's are actually not sybian-friendly, you'll have to get a custom retrofit kit.
But she will definitely be happy with the results

[moyenecorniche]

OK ......So you might want to check into having her take a driving course on a closed track where the instructors educate in how to control a vehicle when things go wrong
One that is emphasized towards women would be key....I don't think it is a great idea for you to try to teach....There is too much Baggage in a relationship and an outside objective person can get to the agenda and results much better....
That would be my second choice.....If one doesn't want to be concerned with the mechanicals..then knowing how and what to do is critical when things go wrong.....

[geebus]

I was in a runaway Limo once.... the first red light was scary

[B72.0T]

replace front driver seat with sybian

problem solved.

roflmfao !!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!

[Ed Gein]

Lol @ Dangler